Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing… There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it’s just you holding your rod until you catch one.

If necessity is the mother of invention why does so much unnecessary stuff get invented?

My girl’s got the Dubstep of Periods… I’m waiting forever for it to drop

And the Lord said to John, ‘Come forth, and you will receive eternal life’ But John came fifth, and won a toaster.

Me: I look great today Fluorescent lights: I can fix that.

Superman can save the world but Clark Kent

What’s the difference between a religion and a cult? The number of followers

So pinocchio was going down on a girl… The girl then says YEAH! Eat that pussy pinocchio get it!

Marrying my gay friend bc it’s important for couples to have common interests and we are both interested in men!

ARE YOU GUYS ALL RIGHT? No, you are all left