I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex It’s the quickest way to deflate her

Researchers at Duke University say they have discovered the reason for the existence of the human appendix. Still working on the reason for the existence of the Kardashians.

To those who are sad because nobody loves them at Valentine’s Day, worry not… …nobody loves you on any of the other days of the year either.

Why doesn’t Ed have a girlfriend? Because Sheeran.

What happens to Captain America when he dies? He goes to the Evans

This really crashes my belief system. Hilary Clinton spent 40 years building up her career to lose presidency to a man who picked up politics as a hobby last year.

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveller walks into a bar.

Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration? Because you can really party hearty!

A man walks onto a plane… … He has a dead rabbit under each arm. The stuardess turns: “I’m sorry, sir. You’re only allowed one item of carrion”

Me: “I’m looking for a psychic who rates themselves highly.” Ian: “I’m a medium.” Me: “I need someone better than that.”