hey honey… … you remember that really posh restaurant we ate at? ‘sure… i guess so’ … what about that one time i undercooked the chicken? ‘YES. EVERY DETAIL’.

If you are not part of the solution, you’re probably running for President

What’s the difference between water falling from the sky and hamburgers falling from the sky? One of them is a meatier shower.

Everyone tells me to stop singing Wonderwall… I said maybe

Ten minutes into “conspiracy theories and chill…” …we start gettin *illuminaughty.*

You know that video game, Mario, right? Do you know what his overalls are made of? Denim denim denim

What weighs 35 tons has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old? Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.

My internet is so slow… Loading…

Two cows are standing next to each other in a field . . . one says ” I was artificially inseminated this morning” “I don’t believe you.” Said the other “It’s true . no bull. “

Hey mate! Your girl looks like a horse… Are you in a stable relationship?