What’s a fireman’s favourite drink? Water.

What was Spiderman’s major in college? Web Design

Life is going pretty good for me lately I guess. I just got a booty call last night. It was from life. Apparently it still wants to fuck me.

don’t even talk to me if you can’t name all three powerpuff girls.

Just met a nerdy spider. He’s a web designer

Obviously, Mario Kart is not a documentary. It’s a dramatization of real events.

Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses and his father standing beside him said “Now remember son. Don’t wear them when you’re not looking at anything.”

Chuck Norris was born May 6th 1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7th 1945.

When Big Johnny tried to fly without an ID… …the TSA diagnosed him with an enlarged prostate.

Banker: You’re sure you want a reverse mortgage & get how it works? Me(imagines bank making huge unaffordable payments to me for years): Yes