Three men walk into a bar… You’d have thought the third one would have seen it.

My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don’t understand how revenge works.

Potassium would be the worst element to chat with He (or she) would always reply with “K”.

I don’t see why so many Americans are anti-gay rights. For a country with 4 dads, you would think they’d be more accepting.

If God didn’t want us to jack off he would have… …given us shorter arms

How to get rid of crabs First, shave off half your pubes. Then light the other half on fire, as they run to the shaved side, stab them with a knife.

Why was John Lennon so ashy? Because he was cremated

What is Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1

Why do so many American kids die in school shootings? They’re not allowed to run in the halls. [-Jimmy Carr](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpxmKKtbw7w)

Elton john and muhammed ali once had an exihibition match… And elton won…knocked ali out in the first round…and from that day on everyone knew to be wary of his fruity punch.