I was invited to a party and was told “dress to kill” Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind

I went to my new male Gynecologist and he said to spread my legs so that he could numb it down there. So he went down and went numnumnumnumnumnum

Yo mamas so fat When she wants to take a bath… She fills up the tub and THEN turns on the water

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Adeline ! Adeline who ? Adeline extra to the letter !

My dad fought in World War II. I just received an email confirming my order of a maroon cardigan sweater.

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch? I ate so many chickpeas, now I falafel.

Why do groups of birds always seem so shady? cuz they’re always flockin’ around

I don’t get why women are complaining that Plan B doesn’t work if you’re over 180 lbs If she’s over 180 lbs, she’s already Plan B!

For Halloween i’m dressing up as a cloud and handing out celebrity nude photos instead of candy.

Why was the divorce lawyer pro-gay marriage? Because any marriage is good for business!