Why are men smarter than women? Because two heads are better than one.

a long time ago chuck norris kicked the world so hard that its still spinning today.

She uses her boyfriends toothbrush without his knowledge and wears his underwear every day….I eat a dog biscuit ONCE and I’M the weirdo???

My grandfather is so racist he only eats white chocolate at Easter.

Hey, incessant seatbelt indicator beeping, I’ll outlast you; just like your friend the gas light. You’re not the boss of me.

Why did the trout go to med school? Mounting pressure from his friends and family

I had a great conversation with the world’s leading brain surgeon.. Best cab ride ever

What do Micheal Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little crackers!

Tofu is over rated… It’s just a curd to me.

What happens when you pour acid on a basic bitch? She becomes salty.