Searched my teens room for drugs, was told “you don’t give me enough money for drugs.” I don’t know whether to be proud or up his allowance.

I submitted several play on words to a competition, hoping one will bring me victory…. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

What are hurricanes with a central dense overcast over the eye called? -Hurricanes with cataracts

Rabbits who hang out in indie pet stores are hopsters.

So I told a deaf guy… “Stop me if you’ve heard this one…”

Hear about Harrison Fords plane crash? I guess he shouldn’t have been….. (_) ( _)>- (_) Flying solo.

What do you call a New Zealander with a sheep under each arm? A pimp.

What was the Mathematician’s Favorite Johnny Depp Movie? ‘s of the Carribean.

Is there something about me that suggests I want to hear about your smoothie cleanse, because I can change.

What does a crappy Carpenter make? Loose stools