Jesus drove a Honda but didn’t talk about it… “For I did not speak of my own Accord …” John 12:49

Anyone can recommend a good Hobbit movie?

Why was jesus great at rock climbing? He could find foot and hand holes

My grandpa is a total pervert My mom told me he had a stroke at my sister’s piano recital

18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT’S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds.

“I’ve been a very bad girl. I need to be punished.” She said… “Very well..” I replied.. installing windows 8 on her laptop.

The reward for a job well done is more work.

I got a Ouija board tattooed on my back to trick ghosts into giving me massages.

How long does it take a necrophiliac to screw in a light bulb? Not long… they like to do it while it’s still warm.

Why did the late man stand on the clock? He wanted to be on time.