what do you call a prosecutor on a rape case? a cosby sweater.

What’s the difference between a pizza and a baby? I don’t fuck my pizza before I toss it in the oven for dinner.

Last night I had a nightmare that Ann Coulter died and came back to haunt me… …she was a coultergeist

I love my 6-pack so much I protect it with a layer of fat.

Dyslexic zombies crave Brians.

Damn girl, are you weed? Because you smell dank.

I went to see a Doctor today and apparently I’m a Paranoid racist!?! Well he didn’t say anything actually…..But i knew the Black Cunt was thinking it.

My pet butterfly got a tattoo of my lower back

I once knew a man with two monocles. He made made a right spectacle of himself.

Why Does Paris Hilton Have a Chihuahua? Cause she doesn’t want a Dog thats more intelligent than her!