What’s so unfunny that it’s funny? An anti-joke.

Me: hope ur soccer team wins the great fork American: What Me: the good plate American: the super bowl Me: i knew it was a kitchen something

The red man lives in the red house, the blue man lives in the blue house, then who lives in the white house? The black man

GF asked me last night “Do you even know why I like cherry coke??” “…because it’s so delicious.”

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring the other day. The doctor said I was fine but I feel like I’ve dyed a little on the inside.

Everything is made in China. Except babies. Babies are made in vaChina.

What do you call it when a group of ghosts rob a bank? A polterheist.

What can both Christians and Atheists agree on about Jesus? Kanye’s not him.

What did hitler say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? “Au, schwitz!”

Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE? Neighbour: Get out of my house! Me: You’re not even guessing.