I love breakdancing. I don’t do it… Or watch it, even. I just like it because it allows be to sell cardboard to rich white kids.

One of the most effective forms of birth control is assembling furniture together as a couple.

What does Hilter get when he’s scared? The hebrewgeebies

Divorce is tough on some kids. Others are just happy to be single again.

If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.

New rule: You’re not allowed to be condescending unless you can spell it.

So you know how you don’t dream when you smoke weed? What if MLK smoked?

I went to an anti-religion camp once It was a blasphemy

*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*

I’m like a fat lady’s flip-flop… …under a lot of pressure