What’s it called when you fry up an egg with a bunch of different ingredients? Omelette you figure it out

What do you call a bug that vanishes? A non antity.

What does a former terrorist playboy say to the officer interrogating him? “Look, officer, I may be wearing a turban, and I may have a gun on me, but I ain’t Bin Laiden years!”

the best insult ever is “who is this clown” because 1. you’re calling them a clown 2. you’re saying they’re not even a well known clown

It’s ridiculous that the pope has to go around surrounded by armed guards these days I know he’s a priest but he’s not going to do anything out in public

It’s quite appropriate that fast food cashiers… often open with “sorry for the weight”.

Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?

I asked Siri to tell me a joke She turned the front-facing camera on

Why isn’t there a Superpig? It’s too hard for a pig to change clothes in a telephone booth.

A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away Forget it, you’ve already herd this one.