Every time the media has to report on Trump they should misspell his name and call him Mr. Turnip until he loses his mind completely

Why are French guns the best to buy? They’ve never been fired, and only dropped once.

[wearing a ‘World’s Greatest Dad’ t-shirt while talking to the bartender] “The younger one is about 8 and the older one is older than 8.”

Sex so good you see dead people.

What does an old woman have between her breasts that a young woman doesn’t? A bellybutton!

Did you hear about the guy who had sex with his car? Apparently he was pretty Exhausted…. <.< .>.> I’ll show myself out -.-

It’s all shits n’ giggles… Until someone giggles and shits.

TRAINER: you know what they say ME: no pain! lo mein! TRAINER: it’s “no gain” ME: (eating Chinese food) i like this better

Me: I wonder what the wicked witch’s name is. 7: Ding Dong. Me: What? 7: The song says, Ding Dong the Witch is dead. Me: Oh. My. God.

What do you call an Asian driveby? Cap-a-chino