An excaped convict fell out of a polishing machine and landed on a worker. He was struck by a smooth criminal.

When i fart I always tell my gf that it were butterfly’s that did’nt know the way to my heart.

Am I the only one who wants to write “Over” at the end of my tweets? Over.

How much cash could the cash cab cache if the cash cab could cache cab?

Alcoholics don’t run in my family They stumble around and break things

I watched a documentary about the victims of anorexia. Maybe I would have taken them more seriously if the camera didn’t add 10 pounds.

It’s rude to upstage the bride on her wedding day but that’s exactly what’s going to happen when I burst into flames as I enter the church.

What do you call a deer without an eye? No idear.

A man gets his drill and drills a hole in a wall… ..its a bit boring.

What is the highest form of flattery? A plateau