How do you confuse a gay person? Raccoon.

I went on a date with a dolphin today, we just clicked.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.

So a rabbi and a priest walk into a bar “Ouch!” they said

What do you call a lesbian who also doesn’t eat meat? A vagetarian.

What do you call a water gun that gets people really excited? A super stoaker

5 year old: “That’s a big truck!” “It’s a moving truck.” “ALL TRUCKS MOVE.” Why am I the one that feels like an idiot?

Love that show where they lure loan officers into a house with mending, To Patch a Creditor.

What is everyone writing songs about? John: revolution Paul: forgiveness George: true love Ringo: hmm, a submarine or maybe an octopus

*decides to workout* *lays on ground to do sit-up* *find skittle on ground* *eats it* *takes nap*