To avoid taking down my Christmas lights, I’m making my house into an Italian restaurant.

Why was the Dragonborn arrested in the Whiterun bakery? Dough fucking.

How many Arabs does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They’ll sit in the dark and blame the Jews

What Do You Call it When Printers Have a Party? A paper jam

What do you call a nun on a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile   ^^^^^^^^^^^[inb4^^repost](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/search?q=nun+on+a+wheelchair&restrict_sr=on&sort=relevance&t=all)

What does a cat say when you tread on its tail? ME-OW! I am very sorry. Just thought of it and felt like everyone should hear it. Maybe some jokes are better left untold…

One of my hooter’s girlfriends died yesterday… May she breast in peace :'(

Why don’t the blind bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs.

Nothing seems longer than the few seconds spent trying to shut off unwanted background music that starts playing on a website.

I have a really bad phobia of speed bumps… But I’m slowly getting over it