How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? The fact that you think that it’s not society, but the light bulb that should change is problematic.

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.

The idea that someone would be upset NOT to be invited to a wedding is so confusing to me.

When I see stars I think of you Because you’re only beautiful from a distance

What’s the difference between your mom and 3 dicks? Your mom can’t take a joke.

“Why does the Mexican Olympic Team suck?” “Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already here, raping and killing Americans” -Donald Trump

What did the German Footballer name his pet? Schweinsteiger.

My friend asked me if I was ready to go to the nudist colony. I was born ready.

Me: Better late than never! Wife: … M: Seeing red? W: … M: Go with the flow! W: … M: I’ll go buy tampons. W: NOW, MISTER FUNNY MAN.

Did you hear why the Quartz is divorcing her husband? She says he took her for Granite