Advertisers think we’re like “Oh a pop-up ad is in the way of the thing I actually want to watch? I should purchase whatever it’s selling!”

Question: What do elephants use for tampoons? Answer: Sheep.

But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce.

Two men and one woman are in a plane crash, and they end up on a desert island. The men have sex with the woman for about a week, and one day they stop. Why? Her body was starting to smell.

I’m “needs to go to bed early because I’m going to a concert two days from now” years old.

Why is it OK for an ice company to commit fraud? Because their assets are already frozen.

Have you heard about the stolen shipment of viagra? Police are looking for a gang of hardened criminals

Dentist: How often do you floss? Me: Daily Dentist: *Pulls fully grown centaur from between my 2nd and 3rd molars*

I like my steak how I like my women Tinder-ized.

How do you kill lots of Anzacs in a small amount of time? By telling them to get out of the trench