What did the bun say to the hot dog? I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the will to ketchup to me!

What do you get if you cross a Rhinoceros, an elephant and a helicopter? HellIfIknow

Therapist: Do u ever feel like hurting yourself Me: No T: What about other people Me:……………………………………………..No

I’ve never understood why new pencils come unsharpened… Seems pretty pointless to me.

What do gay men have in common with the people who persecute them? They’re both fucking assholes

If your ringtone is my alarm sound, you can go straight to hell

“Are you ok?” Never heard of him

Born on February 29th of a leap year, I can’t legally drink till I’m 84.

The story of Kanye West Kanye West divorced his Kanye Pest, now it’s just him and his kid in his Kanye Nest, Now he won’t get his Kanye Rest to be his Kanye Best at the Kanye Test.

A guy cat calls a girl “Hey, what’s up girl?” “My eyes.”