Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother who was an evil scientist. His name was Frank Einstein

What’s black and always behind bars? Guinness (You bunch of racists)

One time i asked a guy what he was majoring in and he said women’s studies… I then said, why are you in women’s studies? You study women all the time!

The baby fell on the floor at breakfast this morning. Luckily, she landed butter side up, so the five second rule still applied.

I accidentally switched toothpaste with hemorrhoid cream… Now my sore tooth’s better and my farts are minty fresh.

What’s a Tennessee tornado and a Texas divorce have in common? Someone’s gonna lose a trailer.

What do we want? *A cure for Tourette’s!* When do we want it? *FUCK!*

Whats the difference between a Blonde and a Washing Machine? The Washing Machine will not follow you around for 2 weeks after you dump a load in it!

Have you heard that they’re filming the first porno in space. They’re calling it smutnik

The zoo only has one animal it’s a shih tzu.