Any bar is a karaoke bar if you’re drunk enough.

What’s the difference between a woman and a gun You can put a silencer on a gun

If Jared Fogle gets any rounder he may go Full Circle.

Hear about the guy that built a car out of a bank vault? He wanted to be a safe driver.

Kids used to call me “four eyes” in school. I’m not sure if it was because of my nerd glasses or because I spelled my name Loriiii.

My boss just asked me why I wasn’t working.. ..i told em cuz I didn’t see him coming

A fellow peon told me he loved kids, you can’t beat them i said you can but it’s generally frowned upon.

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female… The female egg says “Oh my, look, I’ve got a crack” “No good telling me” replies the male egg, “I’m not even hard yet”

I’m coming down the home stretch of the semester… its getting tough, my work is starting to pile up faster then the rape allegations against Bill Cosmy

Life is NOT a box of chocolates When the box of chocolates end, you get upset…