What was FDR’s most famous maritime obscenity law? The Nude Eel.

How do you wake up a loafer? With a shoe horn.

My sister said she wanted to have sex with me. I tried to say no, but she was incestant.

I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach… You can’t imagine how far those kenyans will walk. [source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]

You should never get married because it can ONLY end in literally 2 ways; divorce or death! Funny… but true.

“You’re not the pizza guy.” Bin Laden’s last words.

I cut so much rug… …that I had to open a PLPD policy on my feet.

I think marriage is probably like having a business partner. No that’s not true, probably weird if your business partner takes your kids

Why can’t Helen Keller drive? She’s a woman!

What’s the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat an egg, but you can’t beet a root!