What were Jesus’ final words? “So long and thanks for all the fish.” Edit: Everyone hates me.

Snow is like sex… You never know how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last. ..

What is the hardest thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets it. I’m going to hell..

If I had a dollar every time someone called me a racist, a lot of black people would try to rob me

Why should you be careful playing against a team of big cats? They might be cheetahs!

I like to jump onto people’s backs as an unexpected piggy back. but sometimes I get carried away

Why is the Camel so hard to see in the desert? Because it’s Camel-flaged…

What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.

I’m not a big fan of chick flicks, but my girlfriend pressured me to pick a favourite. I went with Pounds per Square Inch Love You.

Crossing guards get mad when you call them what they really are… Human Traffic-ers.