My suggestion for Reebok’s new marketing campaign: “Nike: Just Do It; Reebok: Do Whatever Feels Right — We’re Not Dictators”

Was accused of animal abuse for using an electric collar but bitch kept calling it “domestic violence”

What did the counselor say to the hologram? “You’re projecting.” (From Star Trek Voyager)

They say real women have curves. Well, then, the lady in front of me at Starbucks is a real, real, real, real, real, real, real, real woman.

“What do we want!” “Hearing aids!” “When do we want them!” “Hearing aids!”

What do you call it when gay men break up? A banana split

What’s the difference between America and yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for long enough it develops its own culture

As we develop robots, we should make them out of pretzels or cotton candy that way if they become self aware we could just eat them

How many Mormons do you take fishing with you? Two. If you only take one, he’ll drink all your beer.

Magician to a hot chick: I will do a magic trick on you. I will fuk you and then I will disappear.