Here’s the joke: I’m bad at insinuating. A*hem*, I **said** I’m bad at insinuating!

What was the dentist’s horrific gastronomical invention? Tartar sauce.

nothing says FUCK YOU like a restaurant giving you one napkin with your takeout order

What’s the hottest hotel in Vegas? The Cosmopolitan

When I die My only wish is that I die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling for help like the passengers in his car.

Why are men faster than women? Ball bearings and stick shift.

I’d tell you a cow joke… But it would be UTTERly horrible.

The word “nothing” is a palindrome. “Nothing” reversed is “Gnihton”. Which also means nothing.

Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken.

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”