You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?

Well, Lester Holt definitely lost that debate.

M R ducks. M R not ducks. O S A R, C D E D B D wings? L I B, M R ducks.

How can a person travel from the north pole to the south pole without passing the equator? By becoming a stripper.

Waiter there is a spider drowning in my soup ! It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !

Woman at dentist

Honestly Officer, I do have a few ideas as to why I’d get pulled over, but I’m kind of afraid to tell you. Let’s both say it on 1-2-3, ok?

My dream is to be a security guard on Maury. I’d whisper “you look like a Volkswagen Beetle with eyes.” When the women were crying backstage

I like to imagine the person who originated Head & Shoulders shampoo had really, really hairy shoulders.

What do a cannibal’s dinner and a christmas treat have in common? They’re both a pan o’ Tony.