“do you answer the phone while having sex” a woman asks her friend. The friend says “only if its my husband calling me..he’s my husband after all”.

Why did Heisenberg have a miserable sex life? Because when he found the correct position, he didn’t have the momentum, and when he finally found the time, he didn’t have the energy.

It’s the same old story; boy meets girl in park… … boy parks meat in girl

Ricky Martin should have waited until Saturday so he could come out the same day as the iPad. Maybe that’s what Tom Cruise is waiting for?

Interviewer: “What’s your greatest weakness?” Candidate: “Honesty.” Interviewer: “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” Candidate: “I don’t give a fuck what you think.”

Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fan? He got cut off without a scent!

Why couldn’t the police solve the case of the flat car battery? They had no leads.

If you’re American when you go into the bathroom… …and you’re American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you when you’re in the bathroom? European

clutches my newly bought loaf of bread nervously as i walk past the duck pond

How many bricks do you need to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you’re going to need a lot of patience and light bulbs.