Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.

BOVINE HIJINX Q; What do cows do for fun? A: They go to the moo-vies!

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off.

Hell is wallpapered with all your deleted selfies.

When my mum was in labour…. When my mum was in labour, my head got stuck in her fanny and the midwife had to pull me out. That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

What do you call a black woman whose had 7 abortions? A crime fighter.

Do they have a pregnancy test for immaculate conceptions?

what do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off

[Me as an Italian language translator] Police: Ask him where the money is hidden. Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino.

“I” before “e” except after “Old MacDonald had a farm”