Alcohol doesn’t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk. People drunk people drunk people

“Grandpa, are you sure you want to order crazy beef with ghost chilis?” “It’ll Szechuan fire.”

What fungus always gets its ass beat? shittalking mushrooms

Why are the cops shooting so many black men? There’s plenty of Mexicans to shoot too. Yeah I’m going to hell for that one.

Bad news A doctor says to his patient: ‘I’m afraid I’ve got bad news for you. You’ve got cancer and Alzheimer’s disease’. The patient responds: ‘Well, at least I don’t have cancer’.

What’s the difference between snowmen and snow women? Snow balls!

Mother nature needs to learn how to keep it in her plants Said everyone with allergies

God grant me the patience to accept the people whose outfits I cannot change.

Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. Nobody would laugh, but then immediately after Neil would follow up with, “Ah well, I guess you had to be there.”

Where did Ronda Rousey learn how to take a punch? Holm School