Why doesn’t Moses buy beer? He brews it.

January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December, Cucumber…

Chuck Norris doesn’t own a can opener, he just chews through the can.

Either a lying war criminal endorsed by the KKK or a Neo Nazi reality TV star are going to be President of America. It’s not funny. But it is a fucking joke. America, sort your shit out.

Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again.

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game? Find out after the break.

If your uncle Jack is stuck on the roof and needs help. Do you help your uncle Jack off?

Why do women have trouble peeing in the morning? You ever tried to open a grilled cheese sandwich?

First the found ice on Mars and then they found water, now they just need to find whiskey to prove that ‘Men are from Mars’.

Thanks to ringtones, I now associate all my favorite songs with the annoyance and dread of being interrupted and having to talk to somebody.