My Thai girlfriend says small penis is not a problem… ..but I still think she should not have it.

Seven days without a joke makes one weak.

A man, his son, and their dog walk into a bar. “Ouch!” “Ouch!” “Woof!”

My strong stance on drinking milk straight from the carton has met with no opposition from people who haven’t caught me yet.

I hate it when I punch ghosts! http://imgur.com/lVv8D6W

It’s looking like Hillary is definitely going to win the election I think I might move to Benghazi, at least she’ll leave me alone there.

Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views… …toddlers are the worst.

Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was “you won’t find a better job or respect in my pockets”

What do you call a fellow who is over 21 and makes bad puns? A groan man.

What did the vegetable say to the dj? lettuce turnip the beet