What does Ryan Seacrest say while having sex? “Seacrest out!” “Seacrest in!” “Seacrest out!” “Seacrest in!”

What does the funeral director say to the 11am service goers? Mournin’

my girlfriends dad asked me what I do but apparently your daughter wasn’t the answer

What do you call someone who always tells shitty jokes? Fecetious.

You know, I never understood why calling someone a pussy was an insult. I mean, you are what you eat.

Married with Children was much funnier on TV.

You gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away and know when to run – ORIGAMI not for everyone !

When I went away for a lengthy business trip my wife and kids threw a big party… According to the email.

My cat and I have lots in common like how we both cry when we’re hungry and both put our ass in the air when it’s being rubbed.

I always bring an extra pair of socks when I go golfing… ..Just in case I get a hole in one.