What’s the difference between me and an egg? Eggs get laid.

My Girlfriend is anorexic. It’s not going so well… I am seeing less and less of her everyday.

I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!

If Kung Fu Panda taught me anything, it’s that obese people can be accepted…so long as they know kung fu.

What did the creators of Good Burger call their vegan cooking show? Quinoa and Kale

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.

A got a beer for my wife… and it was the best trade I’ve made in a while

What do you call a fat joke on reddit? Banned

I went to the doctor and he gave me 2 months to live. So I shot him. Judge gave me 30 years. So I mean who’s the real winner here?

I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather’s pubic hair than “pull an all-nighter” with you.