Q: What do you get if you cross Tina Turner with an orang-utan? A: a f*ing ugly orang-utan

Growing up, I had lots of nicknames but my best would always be ‘Officer! That’s him over there’… It gave me my sprinter’s physique.

What do you call an apology written using dots and dashes? Re-morse code

While we are on the offensive jokes, here’s mine:”What’s better than fucking a 13 year old boy against a barbwire fence?” “Nothing”

So a crossfitter, an atheist, and a vegan all walk into a bar. How do I know? Because they told everyone in the place within 30 seconds.

I never make mistakes… I thought I did once; but I was wrong.

Did you hear about the one about the heart and stomach? Nevermind, it’s an inside joke.

What’s the worst part about working with a gamer? They’re always trying to 1-Up you.

Q: When a 16-inch viola and a 17-inch viola are dropped simultaneously from a 30-story building which one hits the pavement first? A: Who cares!

A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*