When they say “all expenses paid” does that include bail?

Since I can’t afford porn, I just turn on tennis and shut my eyes.

This morning, I accidentally put redbull instead of water in my coffee After 15 mins of driving I realized I forgot home my car

Josh Dugger The Christians are taking the latest news regarding the Dugger family hard. I just drove by a Chick-fil-A, and the flags were at half-staff.

You’re like a magnet… Your fatass is always on the fridge.

Don’t pay your taxes. Get sent to a cool ass prison. Boom, now taxes pay you. Life hack.

If someone stands you up and doesn’t call, stay positive. They could be dead.

What goes Vrrrooom-schreech, Vrrrooom-schreech, Vrrrooom-schreech? A blonde at a flashing red light.

You know what really sucks? Sluts.

AVN’s Best Actress Award goes too… you acting pussy like a chick in a porn film.