What do you call a rich frog ? A golf blooded reptile !

A teacher asks one of her students what the formula for water was… He said, “H I J K L M N O” Teacher: What? Student: Yesterday, you said the formula for water is H2O

People in glass houses Should go to the bathroom in the basement.

Washing clothes feels so old fashioned. I mean, who separates whites and colours anymore.

A pirate’s wife asks him what body part he’d be most okay with losing The pirate thinks and replies, “my spine!” “Why?” says his wife, a little surprised “Because it’s holding me back!”

What did the Buffalo say to his son on the first day of school? Bison.

Two prostitutes are standing on the corner. One asked the other, “Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?” The prostitute replies, “No, but I’ve been swung by my tits.”

I always get a “Yes” from women, but it’s usually followed by “That’s him, officer.”

Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.

An anti-semantic walks into a synagogue. The linguists in the group are offended and leave.