“Are you cold?” No dumbass, I’m on fucking vibrate mode..

I only read 1 line jokes on reddit

Burlap pants are coming into fashion, People are just itching to show off the new look.

If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I’m afraid of intimacy

Light a man a fire and he’ll be warm for a hour. Light a man on fire and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

I bet we can get into some serious Treble together.

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink Bartender says, “No charge”

What do politicians and diapers have in common? Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reasons.

There is a new Barbie doll on the market – Crash Test Barbie …comes with car and brick wall

The guy who invented the USB connector died… They lowered the coffin into his grave. Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.