How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just shoot the room for being dark.

I thought about being a feminist but what could I possibly do for the cause? I’m just a woman.

Whats prettier….. ….than watching Ivanka Trump lying on her bed on a Saturday morning? Ivanka Trump lying on MY bed on a Saturday morning.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes

I think that some of the people I see in Wal Mart shouldn’t be allowed to leave Wal Mart.

I like to yawn in front of people so they yawn and then I can say “You’re tired I should go.”

Don’t be stingy when it comes to getting a circumcision. I got one cheap and it was a total rip-off.

[Fear Factor] HOST: and the first contestant to touch the puppy in front of them will be sent home *camera pans to me already holding puppy*

What did the porn star put at the end of their resume? Sexual references.

A joke for you all! Q. What do you call a midget psychic that has escaped from jail!?!!? A. A small medium at large!! Just kidding, nigger will probably suffice…