What fundamental force compels physicists to go to work on Mondays? The week force.

“How about we go with a gerund, but, like, maybe just half a gerund.” – How ING Bank got its name

Dark humor is like food Not everyone gets it.

What do toilet paper and the Starship Enterprise have in common? They both circle Uranus looking for Klingons.

Confucius say man who at night have scratchy bottom have at morning smelly fingers

You’ll end up real disappointed if you grow up thinking everyone has the same heart as you do.

What do a WW2 German Soldier and an Animal Doctor have in common? They’re both Veteran-Arians (wah wah)

What did the elephant say when he was pulled out of the quicksand by the balls? Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Ball!

Times are tough, jobs are scarce, I know I don’t have the greatest body, but for you single ladies, I’ll gigolo if the price is right. . .

There are two types of guys: those who pee in the shower and those who don’t admit it.