Why don’t Nazi’s like strip clubs? Because, they don’t like Poles.

A love letter to my iPhone The apple of my I

How I wear a scarf: 1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder 2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it. 3. Repeat

When did razors get so expensive? Three more payments and I’ll be able to shave

Describe your sex life in two words. “My what?”

What do you call more than two English blokes masturbating? A Union Jack.

Thanksgiving. The day in 1621 when Native Americans shared a meal with undocumented immigrants who never left.

Wanna hear a story about a ghost? That’s the spirit.

have you ever wondered why stephen hawkins is in a wheelchair it’s because he was getting smart with Chuck Norris

I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.