I wish my laundry was more like protein… so it would fold itself!

What’s the difference between you and me? You came OUT of your mom’s vagina.

Rednecks What do you call a redneck virgin? A 10 year old girl who can run faster than her brother and father

Q: What’s the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

“Edge of Tomorrow” is about a guy who’s forced to relive the same thing over and over and over again, day after day after day. I can’t relate at all.

Yo Mama So Fat Yo mama so fat that her Schwarzschild radius equals 1 cm.

I swear on my momma imma upvote this post, since you sweared on your momma upvote this post.

What is it called when you pay a hooker? An Entrance Fee.

What’s the only buttons that work on a redditor’s computer? Copy + paste…

“There won’t be humans in 500 years. Enough people choke themselves when they jerk off we gave it a name. We ain’t a species made to last.”