Occam’s Disposable Razor When given multiple equally valid choices, choose the one that costs the least money.

Today I met a guy who said he was a Premature Ejaculator He came out of nowhere

Where’s Spiderman’s home page? On the world wide web.

Why didn’t the Mexican take Xanax? He was barred.

Roses are red, violets are blue… 9/11 was an inside job.

Imagine falling in love with someone and then finding out they say “worthwild”

A major yet unspoken difference between medieval times and now is… These days, if someone owns a sword, it’s a pretty safe bet you can kick their ass.

Every picture I’ve seen of Neil Patrick Harris the last ten years has been of him adjusting his shirt cuffs. He needs better shirts.

Why did the vegan zombie visit the coma ward? Because it only ate vegetables.

Your life.