Me: If that baby won’t stop crying I’m walking out & going to another restaurant. Gf: You used to do that too. Me: that was months ago.

What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card? You can’t C me!

Old man and old lady… Old man amd old lady were lying in bad. Old lady: You know, I still can put my legs in air. Old man : Me too!… but, who gonna fuck us?

Why can’t a muslim have SexEd and Driver’sEd on the same day? Their camels need a break at some point.

A black man walks into a bar “Why the wrong face?” the bartender says.

Hey man, why do you have all these self help books on your floor? I hate my shelf.

What’s the difference between a woman and a gun? Guns don’t move out when you bring a new one home.

Frozen “I hate how everyone is obsessing over frozen. They really need to just let it go.”

What do you call a make-believe country for wizards? A magi nation

My Life I just lost like 500 on betting..What the fuck am i doing with my life