What do you call it when someone accidentally gives you a handjob? A stroke of luck.

What was the warlock’s favorite cookbook? The Necronomnomnomicon.

PBS is starting a new children’s show… for kids along the Mexican-American border. It’s called Maquiladora the Explorer.

I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said… “Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they’re going to die.”

Nothing is creepier than watching someone hula hoop with a serious look on their face.

Guy cut me off & I shouted, “you are unable to pleasure your wife. OR HUSBAND.” Cause he needs to know I’m angry, yet progressive.

Vote for the Best Military Joke of 2008 | Funny Stuff | Reader’s Digest

Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn’t burn enough calories.

Why did the farmer’s wife got angry at him for paying too much attention to his equipment? He kept looking at his hoes.

Q: How did Bill and Hillary Clinton meet? A: They were dating the same girl in high school.