I heard Donald Trump’s apartment is made completely from marble. Apart from the showers. Those are golden.

Adroit python swallowed male and female rabbits and doesn’t need a food anymore.

If Reddit up/down voting were to be applied in real life as an immediate feedback of the spoken word crowed subway trains would be a much quieter place.

The Id, The Ego, and The Super Ego walk into a bar…. The Id, The Ego, and The Super Ego walk into a bar. No they didn’t! Yes, they did! None of this even matters!

When I woke up this morning, the garbage disposal was making a funny noise. Turns out he was just masturbating in the next room.

I just bought a film with…

Was talking to a friend about taking many baths a day. “There’s no harm in taking baths repeatedly unless you are soap.”

Vampire 1: “I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died.” Vampire 2: “How awful!” Vampire 1: “Yes. Fortunately I found some in the neck of time.”

She’s so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.