I saw a church’s sign say “God is my Facebook.” Does that mean two men can poke each other on God?

What is zero in Roman numerals? Nothing

Some people wouldn’t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.

Dude in front of me at Starbucks made a big show about calling his Grande a “medium” and the barista was like, “Uck, this again”

How do you separate the Greek boys from the Greek men at a Greek BBQ? With a Crowbar!!!!!

*pregnant wife wakes up* I think my water broke *I hide the Kool-Aid packet and water jug I spilled in bed* Let’s go to the hospital

My friend and I were finally able to laugh off how competitive we are with each other. But I laughed harder.

How did the sailor deal with the death of his friend? He sent out a message in remorse code.

Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I’m the asshole for tripping him??

Que es la nombre con un bebe burro? un burrito