Two cannibals were having lunch. ‘Your girlfriend makes a great soup’ said one to the other. ‘Yes!’ agreed the first. ‘But U’m going to miss her terribly.’

A Physics major finds his girlfriend in bed with another man. He threatens to take matters into his own hands.

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat? A. Because he was pissed off!

So many people have a messiah complex these days…. I’m like “Jesus Christ!”

Why doesn’t Santa have kids? He only comes once a year

I quit my job as a prostitute because nobody gave a fuck.

Why do Jewish men get circumcised ? Cause Jewish women won’t touch anything that’s not 10% off.

My friend once had the GALL to call me the ‘N’ word, which really pissed me off. So I told him, “Hey, ASSHOLE, think twice before calling me a nihilist, you dumb nigger.”

Why did the plant say after being watered? “I’m not hungry exactly, but I could still use a light snack”.

Nipples: Nature’s thermometer.