IDEA FOR COURTROOM SKETCH ARTISTS: a camera

What do you call four Mexicans drowning? Cuatro sinko

Why was the comic book series depressed? Because it had too many issues.

What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !

2 password hashes were walking down the street, one was assaulted

They have free mints in the movie theater bathrooms. Wife: “GROSS, who eats mints from the bathroom?!” Me: (Mouth full of mints) “I KNOW!”

Her: Are you even listening to me or are you just tweeting? Me: Yes sweetie, I hate her too.

My girlfriend has a pet and I had a pet chicken. Her donkey ate my chicken. Now, I have my cock inside her ass this whole time.

Always buy ‘hand wash only’ shirts whenever you want to wear something once and then throw it into a ‘hand wash only’ basket for 15 years.

A farmer decided to sell all of his chickens to the highest bidder… It was poultry in auction