What has five bodies and one soul? A Kia full of Gingers.

How do you start a racist joke? With a look over your shoulder.

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China? Wonton-amo Bay

What’s the difference between a Circumcision and a Crucifiction? With crucifictions, they throw the whole jew away.

Shoutout to toilet paper… …for always being there for me while I’m having a shitty day.

Dinosaurs are a lot like my will to live Both died many many years ago

“Did you ever try my hot salty water?” – Inventor of soup

A strange woman was pounding at my door at 4am and woke me up. I had to let her out.

How is Santa like a paedophile? They both leave children’s bedrooms with empty sacks.

[overhears wife complaining about me on phone] he’s always overreacting and making a mess *spits chocolate milk everywhere* ARE YOU SERIOUS?